Here We Go Again

I've had a VERY difficult past week or so. I am finally at a place where I feel like I can recap. So here it goes. Tuesday Aug. 23 at 3:00pm I had an interview at Head Start for a lead teacher position for a classroom of 3-4 year olds. By 5:30pm I had the job. Wednesday Aug. 24 7:00am I walked into a classroom that had NO decoration but plenty of toys. I was told to "make it my own" but that my kids would start showing up at 7:30. And then they did. And I had the most stressful day of the year so far, I believe. From Wednesday until Monday, Aug. 29 I tried my hardest to belong at this place but it just wasn't for me. Lot's of rules I didn't believe in and a series of events that lead me to have panic attacks and WAY too much stress. I wanted to actually teach those babies. I wanted them to know letters, and numbers, and how to spell their names. Turns out Head Start was just a place for them to survive the day… and props to Head Start, but it simply wasn't for me. So Monday afternoon, I quit. I had to. Tuesday Aug. 30th I was back to watching Kathy Lee and Hoda on the Today Show and I was thankful. Wednesday Aug. 31st My cell phone died. or fried. or baked. or something like that. It was long gone. Thursday Sept. 1st I spent the day with Dylan. Buying a new phone and eating out. Always good to run around with that boy. I also turned in an application to be a substitute at the Fayetteville Public Schools. Friday Sept. 2nd 7:30am our poor 13 year old wiener dog, Hercules, was run over. He seemed fine, and thankfully my dad was still home, scooped him up and ran him to the vet. The vet had bad news though. And later that morning we had to put him down. It has been a VERY emotional Labor Day weekend around the Reagan farm. As a family, we have never had to put a dog down before, so all the feelings were new and of course, heartbreaking. We miss our little man!

We have 3 other dogs (hey, we live on a farm) so they're keeping us busy but it is still so sad and different now. Herc was such a sweet little thing, and he'd always smile (looked like he was showing his teeth out of anger) and wag his tail when we got home. We really miss that.

On being a grown up…

When I was a little girl, I escaped my worries and my troubles by going outside, and swinging on our swing set. I would swing for for hours. Pretending the whole world was watching me, and singing my heart out. NOBODY could be outside while I was swinging. In fact, I remember countless times shouting for my parents to back inside from way out in our big back yard. Or demanding that my little cousins stay on the other side of the fence- in their yard. When I was done swinging, the world was in my hands. My worries were gone, and I was the happy little redheaded girl that my parents raised me to be.



We moved from the house I grew up in when I was almost 16 years old. We lived next door to my Aunt and Uncle, and also my grandparents. We grew up in those houses and in those back yards. Each season was special, and I remember some of those memories so vividly.

Last month my Aunt and Uncle moved to Dallas. After a few coats of paint, Dylan is moving into their old house. The house thats next to my old house. The house that is also right next door to my grandparents old house, where my grandpa no longer lives since Mema passed away in 2006. I went over there with Dylan last week to look around. I couldn't help but stand in the back yard and stare at the space where my childhood took place. It still smells the same.

Since then, I've had awful feelings. And maybe it is the season of life I'm in. I've never ever been good at transitioning (when we moved when I was 16 I thought that was the hardest time I would ever have in my whole life.) I think I was wrong. Right now I'm living at home, jobless, with a college degree. I'm 23 years old (almost 24) and I'm SCARED TO GROW UP. Is that dumb?! I'm so scared. I'm scared to get a job, to move out, to be a real adult. And since going back to the place I grew up and spending so much time there lately, its just made everything so much harder.

I want that back yard back. I want to run barefoot with my little sister and all of my cousins from house to house.

I want my old pink bedroom back. I want to hunt Easter eggs in the spring.




I want the snowy winters back where we built snowmen in the yard.




I want to hang Christmas lights on the house with Dad.

I want Mema back. I want that swing set back. And I WANT that feeling back when I jump off that swing and everything is right in my world.

I was on my way to Dylan's house last night to help him pack, and then go over to the "rent house" to do some more painting. I was driving past my old Elementary school on the way when I spontaneously decided to pull in and take a swing on the swing set that I always did a mad dash at when we were let out for recess.

It felt good- the wind in my hair. Being back in a familiar place when everything else in my life is changing. But my legs were squished together, and sticking to the rubber on the swing. I tried to adjust, get comfortable, and just SWING like I used to. But it didn't help… I didn't fit there anymore.

Heres to a new season of life.

Beach 2011

My parents sent me to the beach for a week as my college graduation present. Of course I took Dylan with me :) We packed up and headed out of town last Friday, July 22nd around midnight. Dylan was such a trooper and drove all through the night. I slept for the first 3 hours, then napped on and off for the rest of the trip. He is such a safe driver, so I wasn't worried at all.
3:30pm on Friday afternoon we arrived at Santa Rosa Beach, Florida!
First thing we did was run to the beach and put our feet in the water! Oh it was bliss…

We stayed in a little studio condo in Gulf Place. It was on the 4th floor above a restaurant and wine bar. We loved it. It was perfect for our stay! Here are some pictures… I took them as we were packing up to leave, so everything is a little messy… excuse that part :)
{bathroom was spacious and that was nice!}

{Bedroom}


{Living room}

{Kitchenette, which was so small… but we didn't really cook that much so it was ok… except I burned my finger pretty bad because of the lack of space}

We spent most of our time at the beach… laying out on a blanket and swimming in the ocean! It was JUST what I wanted!






Dylan bought this boogie board while we were there, and made a point to pick out the most ridiculous one… he looked extra cool on the beach and it cracked me up.


When we left, he had to depart with the ipod wearing dolphin boogie board… so he left it downstairs by the elevator in our condo. He wanted to put a sign on it that said, "Free to good home" but we didn't have a pen or paper :( He's such a stinker.

One of Dylan's favorite things to do was go down to the beach at night and hunt for crabs… which scared me. The first night we did it, I saw the first crab and declared I wasn't a fan… but it was still kind of fun! Again, he made me laugh and brought these headlamps for us to wear :)



We ate out almost every night, which was pretty much the highlight of our days. We love to eat out, and we LOVE seafood!







Dylan did try and get me to eat those raw oysters on the half shell… but I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. Yuck.

We cooked a little bit too… Omelets in the morning (made by yours truly) and fish, saffron rice, broccoli and sauteed mushrooms for dinner one night. We're REALLY good cooks!





When we did eat at the condo, we'd usually sit out on our teeny tiny balcony… something we'll always remember, I hope! It was so fun.



On Wednesday night, we went night fishing with a fisherman named Tom. He took us out in the bay on his tiny little boat (which scared the heck out of me) We had a slow start to the 4 hours we spent on the boat, not catching much. But we anchored up beside a boat dock that had a fishing light under the water that attracts the fish, and caught a lot. I caught a salt water catfish, a red fish and a few speckled trout. Dylan only caught speckled trout, but all of his were big enough to keep, and mine weren't :( We only ended up taking home 3 fish, which is good. Dylan was REALLY looking forward to this trip, and to my surprise is was really fun and I enjoyed it a lot! Unfortunately, we didn't get a single picture of that night because we were too busy fishing :) But we did get a picture of the poor little fish we caught! The next day we found a guy at the dock to "clean" the fish for us so we could take the meat home. Not a fan of watching that take place as you can imagine… :-p

On the days that it rained we entertained ourselves by doing some outlet mall shopping. I got some good deals at Gap and Dylan bought some new swim trunks and a few other things. The mall was HUGE. We were so tired when we got back. Another rainy day, we drove to the Egland Air Force base which was about an hour away from our condo. It was really cool to see the commissary, and the BX. The Air Force base that Dylan works at in Fort Smith isn't big enough to have those things, so it was cool for him to show me around. No pictures of that day either, too busy having fun!

The Bass Pro Shop in Destin (we went THREE times while we were there… Way too much for this girl, but Dylan sure was in heaven :) had this shark outside that we HAD to get a picture in front of. Pretty neat, huh?












We had a great, relaxing time. Which is JUST what I needed after 5 years of hard college work. So glad Dylan was able to go with me, too! It was the best graduation present, ever!