Lately

I've been sending emails like crazy out to anybody who I think could point me in the right direction concerning the rest of my life.
Since I posted last, I talked myself into attempting the MAT program at the U of A (which is a Master's in Education type thing- I don't actually know what MAT stands for) I met with an advisor in that department today who pretty much ruled that option out for me. She basically said everything BUT "pick a different route cause this ain't ever gonna happen." Turns out it'd be THREE whole years in order to complete that degree. No thanks.

So here I am. Lost. Waiting for my inbox to fill up with lots of helpful emails. And also preparing for finals, final projects, papers, etc.

Happy stormy Tuesday.

Dylan and I on our 9 mile bike ride last week :)

He does all the dirty work (ya know, airing up the tires and stuff. ;)


And he's kinda cute for being such a stinker.


We finished up the day with a sushi and wine date. We had so much fun, and it was the perfect date with him!

Late Night Great Thought

I've been laying awake pretty much every night since I found out my fate about graduate school. Mostly with a severe case of high anxiety (I've talked myself into believing that I'm old now and I have nothing left to live for after graduation) but in my sleepless state I also weigh all of my options for my future career. In the past week, I've decided (then undecided of course) that:

1. I could get my masters in teaching. (then emailed some lady about it at the u of a and found out I'd pretty much have 3 long years left in school. And I'm DONE people. D.O.N.E. )

2. I could just become an artist. Start selling paintings off the street. Live with paint under my fingernails the rest of my life and be ok with it. (Yeah right. I'm probably the most OCD person there is when it comes to washing hands)

3. I could be a wedding planner (why? Idk. I've just been dreaming about it my whole life.but hasn't every other little girl in the US?)

4. I could become a stay at home mom (except when I told Dylan that was my dream he laughed the hardest Ive ever seen him laugh.)

And then... Tonight, I thought of something that feels so right with me.

What about being a sign language interpreter?

It sounds so good and so right! I already have my degree (or I will soon) in communication disorders- so I know a lot about not being able to communicate already. Sign language has ALWAYS been something I've wanted to learn... Why not?

I'll run it by good old mom and dad in the am.
Finally a I'm going to sleep with a smile onm

6 things to be happy about today...

1. Last weekend I had the best date with Dylan. We went to a sushi bar on Dickson street and tried a couple new rolls. Then walked down to his favorite pub and I had a glass of red wine while he drank a beer. I loove nights like that!

2. Last saturday we went to the first farmers market of the season and bought some beautiful tulips! Can't wait for farmers market season to be in full swing!

3. I found a new love I wish I hadn't, cadabury eggs! Can't stop eating them!

4. Sunday night we had family dinner, which I needed and soaked up.

5. I am graduating from college in exactly one month.

6. My best friend is getting married June 6th and I cannot WAIT!

Recovering

Yesterday I totally stepped out of my comfort zone.

I went under the knife and had my wisdom teeth taken out. It was the scariest thing I've ever done- I hate not having control over myself and on the referral my dentist wrote to the oral surgeon he pretty much told them to knock my butt out bc I was so nervous!

I've never been admitted to the hospital, never had a broken bone, an IV or been knocked out. So yesterday was seriously one of the scariest days of my life. I will say now though, that it wasn't as terribly bad as I thought it would be. I was scared that I would be so sick to my stomach but I haven't been. I was also terrified of the IV placement. Poor girl that did it probably felt terrible. She knew how scared I was and she had to stick me twice :( she kept saying she was so sorry. It did hurt, but not for long.

Right as soon as they started to push the meds into my IV to knock me out, I felt like I was having a million heart palpitations- one right after the other. It was a terrible feeling. I did the little cough thing, like I couldn't catch my breath. I remember telling them over and over that something was wrong with my heart and they said they had me hooked up to a monitor and that my heart was beating normally and then BAM next thing I knew I was sitting beside someone else whose head was wrapped up in ice in a small recovery room. I was either really cold or the anesthesia was wearing off because i was shaking pretty bad.

I remember being wheeled out to my moms car but I dont remember the ride home. Mom, dad, dylan, and my grandmother who lives next-door have been taking care of me really well. Dylan brought me a chocolate shake that I scarfed down because I was so hungry. After that I had some pudding. Today I get to eat warmer foods which I'm excited about!

Except Dylan is on his way over again with another chocolate shake and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited about that too :)

Nothing New Here...

... just the same ol' procrastination routine ;)

I'm just not in the mood. It's hard to study because I kind of already know my fate for grad school. I'm planning on taking a year off next year. I already have emails ready to send to a few Speech Therapists in the area that might be looking for an assistant. I haven't sent them yet because I'm waiting until I receive the last two letters back (one from the U of A and one from Conway.)

To be honest, I'm really OK with this path. I think taking a year off and finding a place of my own, learning more about myself, and not worrying about studying sounds great. I can do that. I'm just anxious playing the waiting game... and also a little worried about finding a job.

I need to get something off of my chest tonight. Something that really stinking bothers me.

My friend, Mateya, touched on this topic a little bit today and I'd like to expand.

I get caught up reading different blogs and also things on Facebook. I feel jealous a lot of the time of things that people have that I don't. People always look like they lead the perfect life. They look like they never fight with their spouse. They look like they only buy the best things, they are a perfect child of God, they always wear the cutest clothes, etc. etc. etc.

Sometimes I leave my computer and I'm in a funk. How do I get the things those people have? How do I change my relationship with Dylan so that we never fight? I want to agree with him about everything. I want him to be perfect so that we are the perfect match. I want what those people look like they have.

I'm never going to have it. Those people are never going to have it. There is no such thing.

I have so much doubt in my relationship with Dylan sometimes (although he'd probably tell you most of the time...) and I think it is because I try so hard to make it perfect. We aren't perfect. I just need to get that out there.

I didn't "fall in love" with Dylan the first time I laid eyes on him.
Sometimes, when I'm mad at him (even for the stupidest reasons) I don't say "I love you" back after he says it.
Our first kiss wasn't perfect. It was far from perfect actually. And it was on the first date.
We've been dating for two years and I still don't know if we'll get married.
I'm not always attracted to him.
He didn't send me flowers on Valentines day. In fact, he was in Vegas (for work) and barely even spoke to me that day.
We don't communicate very well sometimes.
He "forgets" fights we've had before they are even over, and seriously thinks they'll disappear on their own. I want to strangle him for that.
We don't believe in the exact same things.
He's takes FOREVER (Don't you dare think I'm exaggerating) he takes FOR.EV.ER. to get ready/get things done. And I am the exact opposite.
He could sleep in till 11 every day and I like to be up kinda early. We fight almost every time he sleeps in.
He isn't perfect.
Neither am I.

I don't want Dylan and I to be portrayed as "The Perfect Couple" because we aren't. I wouldn't post every tiny fight we get into or disagreement we have on here or Facebook (although those points listed above are kind of close. don't judge. I'm trying to make a point here.) But I think it is important to keep it real. I think its important to remember that ALL couples disagree. They all argue. And the feelings I have for Dylan haven't fully developed to the point where I can love him unconditionally and that's ok. There's no rush.

These feelings I have are shocking to me because when I was a single girl, I had numerous people tell me "I just knew he/she was the one. I knew on the first date. I knew the first time I saw him/her." etc. People would tell me I'll just "know" and because of that... I feel like everything has to be perfect- we have to be the perfect match. No disagreements. Gotta believe the same exact things and so on. And it isn't true, people. When you think you've met someone worth spending time with... you've got to work through the differences that creep up on ya. You have to compromise. You have to learn how to communicate. And you have to accept them as the person they are because let's face it- somethings won't change.

Dylan and I are still working on most of these things. Most of the time, we are happy. And I do love him.

If you can't tell... I'm going through a bit of a funk at the moment. I'm not sure if it is completely the Dylan deal, or if its the uncertainty of my schooling/career/life... But I needed to get that off my chest. And I do feel a bit better now.

And bless your heart if you read all that.

So long, Monday.

I know it is getting a little old... but seriously. I should be doing my homework instead of writing a blog post.

I have a test in my Speech Science class on Tuesday that I should be studying for. I've made a stack of flash cards to study throughout the semester, so I'm not behind on the studying really... or organization, should I say... I just need to sit my butt down and DO IT.

Instead I'm drinking a cup of coffee and trying to keep my eyes open on this mid morning Sunday. I've already cleaned the kitchen along with my mom and sister, to prepare for the sunday night crew. This will be the first dinner we've done in a long time, and I absolutely cannot WAIT to see everybody!

Here is what has been going on in my life lately:

1. I've submitted all 5 of my graduate school applications and now I'm playing the waiting game.

2. I've pretty much said a prayer every time I've mentioned graduate school in hopes that I will trust in God's plan when the time comes to open up acceptance/rejection letters.

3. I went with my best friend, her mom, and another bridesmaid to Clarksville, Arkansas on Friday afternoon to pick out her wedding dress!!! She bought the very first one she tried on (she did try on others but none of them even compared) and it is GORGEOUS. I wish I could post a picture but I can't. Top secret. :)

4. Dylan and I spent the afternoon yesterday in Eureka Springs, Arkansas where we probably walked up and down the main road 20 times. There are plenty of fun shops to go into... and some not so fun... but none the less we had a great time. I wish I had pictures to show but we forgot the dang camera. ALSO- We found out that the few good shoe shops they have there do this, "everything in the store is half off" sale at the beginning of each year (or actually one lady said it starts a week before Christmas.) and last year I guess Dylan and I went that week before Christmas and he found a pair of Merrel's for half off! He wears them almost every day. And this year he found a cool pair of Keens that I have a feeling he'll be wearing a lot this summer. It was a great deal. Some stores carry Hobo wallets and Toms shoes too. Except of course they were all sold out by the time we got there. But I'M REMEMBERING FOR NEXT YEAR! A week before Christmas and I'm there.

5. A total stranger informed me that I have a huge head. Thanks lady in the hat shop, I will not be buying a hat from YOU. I was on the hunt for a big floppy hat to wear this summer when we were in Eureka yesterday and seriously- the lady in the hat shop tried to find a million different hats that would fit me before giving up and just telling me I had a big head. Awesome.

6. Also in Eureka... Dylan bought a pocket knife from a guy who kept singing his own version of "pop goes the weasel." That was interesting.

7. We ate dinner at our favorite dining spot in Eureka, Sparky's. Where we both tried Tabouli for the first time. It was... interesting.

8. I saw my first real hippy walking on the main road yesterday, carrying a little dog. She had a huge tulle bow tucked into her head band and it flowed down her long tangly brownish-blonde hair. She had on a sweater, a skirt, probably about 4 different leg warmers on each leg, different colored/striped socks on each foot and two different shoes. Yep. That was a real live hippy.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I think I've stalled long enough.

Time to hit the books!